Tuesday, May 3, 2011
I have been doing this De-Cluttering thing. After reading the amazing, life changing book Clutter Busting- Letting Go of What's Holding You Back I am slowly but surely transforming my life. I am not just being melodramatic. IT IS TRANSFORMING MY LIFE.
Anywho, in the book Mr. Palmer basically says that everything you own represents something to you. He urges you to take a good look at everything in your life and no bullshit, evaluate it. Is it you NOW? Is it who you WANTED to be? Is it who you THINK you are, as opposed to who you really are? We hold onto so much that keeps us mired in the past.
Lord, this has been refreshing, and just what I needed. But curiously enough, as I got to my bellydance stuff, the feelings that came up weren't as uncomplicated as I thought they'd be. I just love ( as in, it literally feeds my heart) to dance. I love the sparkly things. I run my hands along my copper metalskin trumpet skirt, and my coral silk skirt from time to time, feeling the texture, smiling to myself. When I listen to Middle Eastern music I catch myself smiling. When I dance I truly feel free.
Unfortunately I have been in this long enough to have built up some "bellydance baggage".
The clutter busting process isn't just about stuff. It is about freeing the mind as well. As I went through three laundry baskets full of paperwork from a few bad financial years, I had to let all that go, and say "this is in the past". When I donated 150 plus glass bottles from a failed herbal products venture, I had to ask myself first "why was I hanging onto this?" ( a reminder of "failure")...and second to let it go, recognizing that hey, it was not a failure, it just wasn't right for me. After several weeks of this my home is clear, and my mind clearer so. I am not only taking out the clutter, I am taking out the mental baggage. And now it is time to take out the trash, so to speak. Time to let go of the bellydance baggage.
I have been hurt a lot by people associated with bellydance. I have used bellydance , at times, as a replacement for how I should feel about myself, as in, I have at times, placed it in the "unhealthy obsession" category. I have gotten completely attached to people in this dance, then had to leave them, leaving my heart feeling broken. I have been SO FRUSTRATED at the lack of real encouragement for each other in the dance community that there have been no less than 10 times that I seriously thought about selling all my stuff and never turning back. Bellydance has been like a good relationship. Even though all around it has been good, it has still been a relationship. Relationships have their ups and downs, no matter how "meant for each other" you are. Also, in relationships, the WORST thing you can do in hold grudges, hold onto hurt and keep the past pain at easy reach.You have to let go, you have to forgive, and you have to " love like you've never been hurt". If you don't let go, you stay stuck.
So here I go. I am bagging all of that up. I am walking it to the curb for the trash man. As I tie these bags I release it all, I forgive all, including myself. And hopefully, as I clear out my bellydance baggage I can gain back the purity that I have kept cluttered up for so long. I can renew my unbridled love for the dance, baggage free.
I'll let ya know how it goes.